Another busy morning here in Montreuil, where today there is sun instead of rain. My nose is running. I’ve already had two cups of black tea. A friend is coming soon for lunch and I have no idea what we’ll eat. I’m sure we will eat, though. How fortunate we are.
Thank you for posting your impressions of Day I and how the spirituality aspect of our lives was/is present for you in the heart of your life. From this base, as we develop awareness of oneness rather than focussing on differences, anything is possible. Keep sitting! Now we’re ready for our next course.
The second course in the supreme meal of our life is study and learning. We study and learn to develop sharpness and intelligence. « People usually study before they begin something, » Bernie writes, « but I like my study of things, be they livelihood, social action or spirituality, to be simultaneous with my practice of livelihood, social action or spirituality. In this way, study is never merely abstract. » (« D’habitude, avant de se lancer dans quelque chose, nous étudions, » Bernie écrit. « Pour ma part, lorsque j’étudie un sujet, comme les moyens d’existence, l’action social ou la spiritualité, j’aime que l’étude et ma pratique des moyens d’existence, de l’action sociale ou de la spiritualité soient simultanées. L’étude n’est alors jamais une pure abstraction. »)
In Zen, the attitude we aim for when learning and studying is what we call Beginner’s Mind (l’esprit du débutant), or not-knowing. This allows us to be open and to inquire freely, without the limitations of an expert’s concepts and fixed positions. In Zen, our field of study is the self, as the 13th-century master Dogen said. We study the self right here in the heart of our life and activities – where else could we do it?
So today, find a moment to begin your study of yourself by looking at your own characteristics and traits, without judging whether they are good or bad; take a look at yourself, make an inventory, a list, of the characteristics you see (lazy, timid, loud, adventurous, funny, stubborn, shy, self-righteous, short-tempered, earnest, cold, warm, friendly, serious, hard-working, arrogant, naive, curious, etc.). Our meditation practice helps us to cultivate Beginner’s Mind/not-knowing, so that we can see ourselves (and others) more clearly and without judgment. We thus can see that these concepts we have about ourselves are nothing but our concepts about ourselves!
Next, share this list with others, for example post it on the blog… This is a practice of both accepting and letting go, so that we can be free to act appropriately according to whatever circumstances arise. (That video portrait of the many faces of Bernie that I posted on Sunday is a beautiful manifestation of just this.)
If we don’t judge, we can see these characteristics or traits as our ingredients, Bernie suggests. We can learn how to work with them and let go of them. Bernie notes, for example, that he is stubborn, but that stubbornness can become tenacity in his practice and work, in the preparation of his supreme meal.
What are your ingredients? Please bring them to our table here!
In Stuttgart, 1*C, it feels cold “as hell” (in my perspective).
After reading all the previous posts/characteristics I’m under their influence… but anyway the ones that often come to mind: laziness, judging others and myself (and this reminds me I can’t understand why some people seem to avoid this challenges Amy Roshi proposes us), serious and trustworthy, humble and caring, undecided, selfish with somethings, giving with others… afraid and fearless.
There’s more, but these are the ones I can clearly identify in my life right now.
I’m so grateful to have read yours and realize we are so much alike… thank you.
Ps. I’m very sorry I’m one day behind… But here I am. I’m doing the best I can! 😉
Porto, Portugal
(notes on paper, PC just now, I’m sorry)
Wow.
I will just share the first thing that happened in my mind reading all this.
BLACKBIRD, The Beatles.
Serendipity, curiosity. Gentle. Tender voice.
Be gentle and kind, find balance between body and mind…and the whole! That has been my mantra these days. One thing I understood lately…My anger and sadness are the same, my arrogance is my inner child trying to look smart all over the time, because of that need of acceptance from everybody. Ahhhh. Such a freedom working on that… The more I practice the more I realize the more I need to practice 🙂
Hug *
Loud, very loud, too loud
Paris, Wednesday morning as work.
I read the post yesterday but didn’t write anything. I’m sorry, I’ll pass this assignment. Defenses are way too high there and I’ve learned that trying to bypass them leads nowhere nice.
Hi,
It was nice to practice with you yesterday.
How can i describe me ? It’s always the two faces of the medal :
– imaginatvive / most of the time out of life and a big dreamer
– reliable / mistruthful
– i easily find the default on me and others, critics / i have a sharp eye
– full of fear and anxious / resistant
– shy / a bit eccentric in my life (or maybe i wish :))
Not sure it’s an accurate portrait.
Have a nice day
OOOOps… alone. And there are lots of times when the computer world is beyond my control, like just now.
Also a strong moment at noon when we are all silent for a minute.
See you there.
Good morning fellow travelers on this path through the heart of our lives. It’s such a pleasure knowing that when I sat this morning I was sitting with you all.
I’ve always thought how strange it is that just as we can’t see our own face, we can’t always see our own character. I mean, this is me, and yet who this is often remains a mystery!
What do I know about myself? That I’m a composite of contradictory elements. I can persevere forever and then suddenly drop out. I can have long periods when everything seems humorous and deliciously silly and equally long moments when the dilemmas of the world appear to me as deadly serious. There are times when I want to hold everyone close and others when I need to be
My ingridients…maybe a handful but pungent.
Sensitive, attentive, caring
Self righteous, just, proactive, controlling, self indulgent
Shy, self conscious, self critical
Sturbbon, jealous, arrogant, vindictive, unforgiving, judgemental
Fearful, gullible, impatient
Curious, adventurous
Organized, reliable, persistent,
And Deadly serious!!
Very impatient.
João, in Cova da Piedade, Portugal
There is a book in the corridor here in my house, which I borrowed some time ago but never read. It’s not stuck between the others, but on top of them, so I can see it’s cover when I pass there. It’s called How to See Yourself as You Really Are. I pass it by all the time. Today, after reading Roshi’s proposal for this second day, I thought: « Finally! »
So, the list:
Lazy, harsh on myself, sad, very sensitive, harsh with others, insecure, lonely, sometimes dedicated in an exagerated sort of way, fearful of life, fearful or people, sometimes funny, when feeling sad I like to cry all I need to, impatient, patient, undisciplined, generous, selfish, sometimes giving myself a hard time for trying to do the right thing and sometimes not caring at all about that, having the need to have someone to take care of, gentle but also hard.
///hitting and shouting///
they arrived at noon
garden time/ w.s.merwin
this present moment/ gary snyder
read some poems &
bought food to my kitten
worth even the smell
the broken boiler
sync with the royal observatory
&
asking ansewering
spiritual practice should open
eyes
hearts
minds
prepare the best meal possible
why not sneeze?
Gesundheit! … Gesundheit!
Boa noite a todos,
Porque o meu inglês não é digno de ser escrito. Vou usar a língua de Luís de Camões, para partilhar convosco aquilo que penso ter sido o dia de hoje. Pode parecer estranho alguém dizer « aquilo que penso ter sido ». Mas …hoje, foi o dia? Um dia? Ou mais um dia? Não sei responder. Mas sei que mais um dia, é menos um dia. E o tempo não espera por ninguém.
Uma característica que me caracteriza, nesta fase, talvez uma das minhas melhores amigas, é a PREGUIÇA. É persuasiva e tem justificações para tudo.
Até amanhã se for o caso. E boas práticas.
……confident, shy, energising, tiring, joyful, sad, hardworking, lazy, friendly, loving, harsh, sensitive, funny…..
After a day of rushing around, I logged on half an hour before the end of the day to learn about today’s assignment. What did I observe of myself today? I observed my curiousity, my attentiveness to being present, to being compassionate, particularly as I observe myself with my specific intention of cultivating these characteristics. I observed my curiousity, and my patience with my own self-judgement, as I felt myself, just a bit, starting to autoflageolate and stopped myself with my metaphorical arm in mid-air with the conscious self offering an alternative « be kind to yourself ».
About yesterday and first course & About today and second course…
My day everyday starts with sitting. Everyday i learn that i have to do it again because i never know how to do it. I sit and sometimes i fall asleep, other times i see figures on the white wall, others i reflect about and everytime i remind mySelf « breathe, watch you breathing ». Once i finish i remember myself that i must ask Roshi how to do it and still didn’t… The more i do it the less i know how to do it. it’s like relating to people. I do it again and again and most of the time i doubt If i know how to do it.
It’s this great doubts that elas me to the second course.
Learning and studying. I’ve formally quited school last september with the presentation of my master’s dissertation but i consider myself a student since i have counscious of « me » hoping one day i’ll be able to teach something.
Yesterday, when i watched Bernie’s video i thought: « i have so much to learn ». I do. I didn’t know that we study and learn to develop sharpness and intellingence » ’cause my intention was always to become a better self.
If i hope to before a better self is probably ’cause my list of characteristics was filled of judgemental purpose… Thank you Roshi for your sentence « we thus can see that these concepts we have about ourselves are nothing but our concepts about ourselves! », i must remind myself to remind it everyday.
I really loved Bernie’s concept underneath « instructions to the cook ».
It was hard to leave bed in the morning and it’s so easy to return to it and great part of the reason is the counsciousness that i’ve testified how Nature manifests her Self time and time and time again without complaining without making it something bigger that anything that Is. I’ m really greatfull for Being and learning to Be until the day i join Nature in her’s supreme wisdom.
Introvertida, social, resiliente, persistente, impulsiva, reactiva, curiosa, chata, inquiridora, melancólica, poeta, sensível, forte, fraca, pequena, grande, gulosa, disciplinada, apaixonada, triste, feliz, polémica, maternal, feminina, trabalhadora, preguiçosa, exigente, metódica, organizada, arrumada, asseada, simples, prática, critica, séria, simpática, bruta, antipática, transparente, frontal … Tudo e nada.
About yesterday and first course & About today and second course…
My day everyday starts with sitting. Everyday i learn that i have to do it again because i never know how to do it. I sit and sometimes i fall asleep, other times i see figures on the white wall, others i reflect about and everytime i remind mySelf « breathe, watch you breathing ». Once i finish i remember myself that i must ask Roshi how to do it and still didn’t… The more i do it the less i know how to do it. it’s like relating to people. I do it again and again and most of the time i doubt If i know how to do it.
It’s this great doubts that elas me to the second course.
Learning and studying. I’ve formally quited school last september with the presentation of my master’s dissertation but i consider myself a student since i have counscious of « me » hoping one day i’ll be able to teach something.
Yesterday, when i watched Bernie’s video i thought: « i have so much to learn ». I do. I didn’t know that we study and learn to develop sharpness and intellingence » ’cause my intention was always to become a better self.
If i hope to before a better self is probably ’cause my list of characteristics was filled of judgemental purpose… Thank you Roshi for your sentence « we thus can see that these concepts we have about ourselves are nothing but our concepts about ourselves! », i must remind myself to remind it everyday.
I really loved Bernie’s concept underneath « instructions to the cook ».
It was hard to leave bed in the morning and it’s so easy to return to it and great part of the reason is the counsciousness that i’ve testified how Nature manifests her Self time and time and time again without complaining without making it something bigger that anything that Is. I’ m really greatfull for Being and learning to Be until the day i join Nature in her’s supreme wisdom.
Introvertida, social, resiliente, persistente, impulsiva, reactiva, curiosa, chata, inquiridora, melancólica, poeta, sensível, forte, fraca, pequena, grande, gulosa, disciplinada, apaixonada, triste, feliz, polémica, maternal, feminina, trabalhadora, preguiçosa, exigente, metódica, organizada, arrumada, asseada, simples, prática, critica, séria, simpática, bruta, antipática, transparente, frontal … Tudo e nada.
In the morning i sat in lisbon, heavy in the body, silente in the mind. Back at home in the woods of Colares i sat with that heavyness, in the afternoon, and there was something hurting, sadness and anger. As i saw the the dancing of oneness producing this waves, they dissolved more and more.
Later, something else came and i point it now as the characteristic that was more obvious in the mind ( not in the action) today. It is an amoral way of looking at the world that can do things thar hurt people, including myself, without realizing it. It’s qualities are that this aspect can appreciate the present moment without judging anything or anyone. +
Good evening friends and fellow practitionners!
I didn’t find the time to post yestarday but was immensely grateful to read all yours today and fully enter into the shared space of this retreat in the Heart of Life. Thank you all. Thank you Amy for creating this manifest reminder of the fact that our lives and experiences are sacred.
Having moved from Paris and therefore lost regular physical touch with the Sangha, I have tried to cultivate this quality of relationship into my daily experience, interactions and activities. To some success and some deviation, with as little judgment as possible of either, simply coming back to my core when I notice imballance, like coming back to my breathing during Zazen.
I’m ill today and that has been a timely opportunity to rest, sit, sit back and gain perspective. Slowly getting better has felt and feels like being born again, like a new sun is rising, like letting go of a past version of myself and starting over, cleansed and rested, ready.
So I’m born again, through my wounds and into boundless generosity, gratitude, devotion and Love, to serve and be served, to care and be cared for, to grow and help grow, beyond my concepts about myself, across the tide of emotions and into the light, humble and blessed.
Yours, with Love
I tried to write some characteristics and judgements came flooding in…such that I am no longer sure whether the words that come to mind are sponsored by judgement …..or not….I am lost in a sea of …..words!
Studying the self, a vast and endless program. I remember during a retreat seeing myself peeling off layers of me, my anger, my self-righteousness, my lack of confidence, my sharpness, my wanting to be perfect, my attention to others, my wanting to please, my… my… layers after layers of me, always discovering more! what liberation to realize that these ideas of me are just concepts, to be just this, now. Fleeting moments.
Lisa in Paris
at the same village as yesterday.
black
white
one
eyed
the cyclonic dance of fruit trees shadows
fruits falling
picking
putting on a table
cutting
cut.
Today, with a table covered in the finest cloth of practice the first course came out late: the cook overslept! After this change in my carefully prepared menu the day before, I found most ingredients missing and had to go shopping for an eventful day of different meals and guests to attend to. What a perfect day it was/is!
Through the retreat lenses I stressed and gasped, and was fearful and mad with anger and able to let go as these came to the table. Fear was the ingredient with the strongest flavour but was able to transform it into efficiency and focus.
In studying and learning on the act of doing and practicing I feel my boundaries disappear as I go out of my comfort zone into the not-knowing.
What a day!
On behalf of Fernando Pessoa
1. I’m a keeper of sheep. (Sou um guardador de rebanhos.)
2. I’m nothing. (Não sou nada.)
3. I prefer to be taken seriously for what I’m not, remaining humanly unknown, with naturalness and all due respect. (Prefiro ser tomado a sério como o que não sou, ignorado humanamente, com decência e naturalidade.)
4. I’m the gap between what I’d like to be and what others have made me. (Sou o intervalo entre o que desejo ser e os outros me fizeram.)
5. I’m all those things, even though I don’t want to, in the confuse depth of my fatal sensibility. (Sou todas essas coisas, embora o não queira, no fundo confuso da minha sensibilidade fatal.)
6. For I am the size of what I see not my height’s size. (Porque eu sou do tamanho do que vejo.)
7. It’s been a long time since I’ve been me. (Há muito tempo que não sou eu.)
8. Who am I to myself? Just a feeling of mine. (Quem sou eu para mim? Só uma sensação minha.)
9. My God, my God, who am I attending to? How many am I? Who is me? What is this interval between me and me? (Meu Deus, meu Deus, a quem assisto? Quantos sou? Quem é eu? O que é este intervalo que há entre mim e mim?)
10. I’m a man for whom the outside world is an inner reality. (Sou um homem para quem o mundo exterior é uma realidade interior.)
I’m nothing.
I’ll always be nothing.
I can’t want to be something.
But I have in me all the dreams of the world.
Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.
Therefore, this is what I am:
Accessible
Active
Adaptable
Admirable
Adventurous
Agreeable
Alert
Allocentric
Amiable
Anticipative
Appreciative
Articulate
Aspiring
Athletic
Attractive
Balanced
Benevolent
Brilliant
Calm
Capable
Captivating
Caring
Challenging
Charismatic
Charming
Cheerful
Clean
Clear-headed
Clever
Colorful
Companionly
Compassionate
Conciliatory
Confident
Conscientious
Considerate
Constant
Contemplative
Cooperative
Courageous
Courteous
Creative
Cultured
Curious
Daring
Debonair
Decent
Decisive
Dedicated
Deep
Dignified
Directed
Disciplined
Discreet
Dramatic
Dutiful
Dynamic
Earnest
Ebullient
Educated
Efficient
Elegant
Eloquent
Empathetic
Energetic
Enthusiastic
Esthetic
Exciting
Extraordinary
Fair
Faithful
Farsighted
Felicific
Firm
Flexible
Focused
Forecful
Forgiving
Forthright
Freethinking
Friendly
Fun-loving
Gallant
Generous
Gentle
Genuine
Good-natured
Gracious
Hardworking
Healthy
Hearty
Helpful
Herioc
High-minded
Honest
Honorable
Humble
Humorous
Idealistic
Imaginative
Impressive
Incisive
Incorruptible
Independent
Individualistic
Innovative
Inoffensive
Insightful
Insouciant
Intelligent
Intuitive
Invulnerable
Kind
Knowledge
Leaderly
Leisurely
Liberal
Logical
Lovable
Loyal
Lyrical
Magnanimous
Many-sided
Masculine (Manly)
Mature
Methodical
Maticulous
Moderate
Modest
Multi-leveled
Neat
Nonauthoritarian
Objective
Observant
Open
Optimistic
Orderly
Organized
Original
Painstaking
Passionate
Patient
Patriotic
Peaceful
Perceptive
Perfectionist
Personable
Persuasive
Planful
Playful
Polished
Popular
Practical
Precise
Principled
Profound
Protean
Protective
Providential
Prudent
Punctual
Pruposeful
Rational
Realistic
Reflective
Relaxed
Reliable
Resourceful
Respectful
Responsible
Responsive
Reverential
Romantic
Rustic
Sage
Sane
Scholarly
Scrupulous
Secure
Selfless
Self-critical
Self-defacing
Self-denying
Self-reliant
Self-sufficent
Sensitive
Sentimental
Seraphic
Serious
Sexy
Sharing
Shrewd
Simple
Skillful
Sober
Sociable
Solid
Sophisticated
Spontaneous
Sporting
Stable
Steadfast
Steady
Stoic
Strong
Studious
Suave
Subtle
Sweet
Sympathetic
Systematic
Tasteful
Teacherly
Thorough
Tidy
Tolerant
Tractable
Trusting
Uncomplaining
Understanding
Undogmatic
Unfoolable
Upright
Urbane
Venturesome
Vivacious
Warm
Well-bred
Well-read
Well-rounded
Winning
Wise
Witty
Youthful
Absentminded
Aggressive
Ambitious
Amusing
Artful
Ascetic
Authoritarian
Big-thinking
Boyish
Breezy
Businesslike
Busy
Casual
Crebral
Chummy
Circumspect
Competitive
Complex
Confidential
Conservative
Contradictory
Crisp
Cute
Deceptive
Determined
Dominating
Dreamy
Driving
Droll
Dry
Earthy
Effeminate
Emotional
Enigmatic
Experimental
Familial
Folksy
Formal
Freewheeling
Frugal
Glamorous
Guileless
High-spirited
Huried
Hypnotic
Iconoclastic
Idiosyncratic
Impassive
Impersonal
Impressionable
Intense
Invisible
Irreligious
Irreverent
Maternal
Mellow
Modern
Moralistic
Mystical
Neutral
Noncommittal
Noncompetitive
Obedient
Old-fashined
Ordinary
Outspoken
Paternalistic
Physical
Placid
Political
Predictable
Preoccupied
Private
Progressive
Proud
Pure
Questioning
Quiet
Religious
Reserved
Restrained
Retiring
Sarcastic
Self-conscious
Sensual
Skeptical
Smooth
Soft
Solemn
Solitary
Stern
Stoiid
Strict
Stubborn
Stylish
Subjective
Surprising
Soft
Tough
Unaggressive
Unambitious
Unceremonious
Unchanging
Undemanding
Unfathomable
Unhurried
Uninhibited
Unpatriotic
Unpredicatable
Unreligious
Unsentimental
Whimsical
Abrasive
Abrupt
Agonizing
Aimless
Airy
Aloof
Amoral
Angry
Anxious
Apathetic
Arbitrary
Argumentative
Arrogantt
Artificial
Asocial
Assertive
Astigmatic
Barbaric
Bewildered
Bizarre
Bland
Blunt
Biosterous
Brittle
Brutal
Calculating
Callous
Cantakerous
Careless
Cautious
Charmless
Childish
Clumsy
Coarse
Cold
Colorless
Complacent
Complaintive
Compulsive
Conceited
Condemnatory
Conformist
Confused
Contemptible
Conventional
Cowardly
Crafty
Crass
Crazy
Criminal
Critical
Crude
Cruel
Cynical
Decadent
Deceitful
Delicate
Demanding
Dependent
Desperate
Destructive
Devious
Difficult
Dirty
Disconcerting
Discontented
Discouraging
Discourteous
Dishonest
Disloyal
Disobedient
Disorderly
Disorganized
Disputatious
Disrespectful
Disruptive
Dissolute
Dissonant
Distractible
Disturbing
Dogmatic
Domineering
Dull
Easily Discouraged
Egocentric
Enervated
Envious
Erratic
Escapist
Excitable
Expedient
Extravagant
Extreme
Faithless
False
Fanatical
Fanciful
Fatalistic
Fawning
Fearful
Fickle
Fiery
Fixed
Flamboyant
Foolish
Forgetful
Fraudulent
Frightening
Frivolous
Gloomy
Graceless
Grand
Greedy
Grim
Gullible
Hateful
Haughty
Hedonistic
Hesitant
Hidebound
High-handed
Hostile
Ignorant
Imitative
Impatient
Impractical
Imprudent
Impulsive
Inconsiderate
Incurious
Indecisive
Indulgent
Inert
Inhibited
Insecure
Insensitive
Insincere
Insulting
Intolerant
Irascible
Irrational
Irresponsible
Irritable
Lazy
Libidinous
Loquacious
Malicious
Mannered
Mannerless
Mawkish
Mealymouthed
Mechanical
Meddlesome
Melancholic
Meretricious
Messy
Miserable
Miserly
Misguided
Mistaken
Money-minded
Monstrous
Moody
Morbid
Muddle-headed
Naive
Narcissistic
Narrow
Narrow-minded
Natty
Negativistic
Neglectful
Neurotic
Nihilistic
Obnoxious
Obsessive
Obvious
Odd
Offhand
One-dimensional
One-sided
Opinionated
Opportunistic
Oppressed
Outrageous
Overimaginative
Paranoid
Passive
Pedantic
Perverse
Petty
Pharissical
Phlegmatic
Plodding
Pompous
Possessive
Power-hungry
Predatory
Prejudiced
Presumptuous
Pretentious
Prim
Procrastinating
Profligate
Provocative
Pugnacious
Puritanical
Quirky
Reactionary
Reactive
Regimental
Regretful
Repentant
Repressed
Resentful
Ridiculous
Rigid
Ritualistic
Rowdy
Ruined
Sadistic
Sanctimonious
Scheming
Scornful
Secretive
Sedentary
Selfish
Self-indulgent
Shallow
Shortsighted
Shy
Silly
Single-minded
Sloppy
Slow
Sly
Small-thinking
Softheaded
Sordid
Steely
Stiff
Strong-willed
Stupid
Submissive
Superficial
Superstitious
Suspicious
Tactless
Tasteless
Tense
Thievish
Thoughtless
Timid
Transparent
Treacherous
Trendy
Troublesome
Unappreciative
Uncaring
Uncharitable
Unconvincing
Uncooperative
Uncreative
Uncritical
Unctuous
Undisciplined
Unfriendly
Ungrateful
Unhealthy
Unimaginative
Unimpressive
Unlovable
Unpolished
Unprincipled
Unrealistic
Unreflective
Unreliable
Unrestrained
Unself-critical
Unstable
Vacuous
Vague
Venal
Venomous
Vindictive
Vulnerable
Weak
Weak-willed
Well-meaning
Willful
Wishful
Zany
Hey all !
What a proposal today : write down your caracteristics and show it to others. Whooo, what a challenge.. You could as well say, get undressed in front of the others and see what happens, right ?
So quite a good proposition to keep the comments of this post at 0, no ? 🙂
I’m rather an introvert, so exposing myself is not my cup of tea.
But as we all are courageous Zen warriors, I’ll through myself into the arena and kick that comment score up to 1, saying : I’m overly sensitive, which caused me a lot of suffering in my past. Now I come more and more to a place where I appreciate that as one of my finest qualities.
I also was always quite of a serious person, and I’m evolving into a more funny person. Everyone should have a red nose in his pockets, no, Bernie ?!
And as a Zen student, I’m tempted to say I am /or can be everything, right ?!
1:0 for me, roshi 🙂
Just kidding, but I’m curious to read what other warriors have to say…