The first words that come are: « I don’t know. » And then there are others: « the cat purrs, » « what time is it? » « keep looking, » and more and more and more…
I back up, return to the first words again. Or is that I am moving ahead? Or maybe not forward or back, but rather « I » am right here, with the words that arrive now?
Now: the day was busy. Now: much activity, not much to « show » for it – some final touches on a manuscript, cooking, laundry, a few errands done, shared meals, great joy watching video clips from last night’s Oscars with the winning team of « The Artist »!
Now: memory of a haunting newspaper photo a few days ago, showing a wounded man in Homs, Syria, cradling his infant, a 3-month-old boy, who also was wounded in the shelling and died within minutes. The picture, the story, the memory breaks my heart.
Now: memory of a moment during a visit to Jerusalem 11 years ago, a guide pointing out the olive grove from which Jesus looked down upon the teeming city and wept. An hour later, at the Western Wall with two dear dharma friends, Frank and Renata, my own warm tears came, the only possible response to the world at that moment.
Now: the only response tonight, the most intimate response, is I don’t know, again and again.